The Economic Times has a Quote of the Day. Your grandmother had a proverb. Same observation, different explanation
The Economic Times (India) ran one of those Panache pieces that distracts us from much of what is happening in India. Freud, they claim, wrote that lovers do not choose each other randomly. We meet only those who already exist in our subconscious. Instant recognition is not fate. It is a fuzzy self-created match that feels like a miracle.
The article is very proud of this. It tells you to cultivate self-awareness, heal your blueprint and date mindfully.
Chinese romantics already had the shorter less than scientific version – 缘分.
People treat 缘分 like a romantic visa. The relationship has been decided for us throughout our karmic history The two of you were always going to share a table. Somehow, the right one will come along. Just mind your own business, go on with your 996 and things will somehow work out in the end.
Freud, or whoever gets quoted as Freud when the page needs a dead European, is less polite. The person who feels pre-installed is not waiting in the clouds. They have been sitting in the back of your head since someone first taught you what love looks like. Thousands of people may qualify, but not everyone. You do not meet him/her by chance. You recognise the shape when it appears and develop an instant affinity. What? No magic?
缘分 says the meeting was arranged. The quote says that you subconsciously made the arrangement.
Both explain the same mythical convenience: why 对面的女孩 in another country, speaking a different language looks strangely familiar. Why do you keep thinking of him/her, remembering his/her voice long after you’ve gone on separate ways? The answer, your own mind created that match before you met.
Chinese usage is wider than dating, which the ET piece is focused on romance. 缘分 covers the colleague who appears in every job, the new neighbour who gets along with you much better than the rest, meeting a classmate you had a crush on when she serves you a drink at 30,000 feet.
Freud’s version has no heaven to blame. The subconscious carves out a fuzzy image that you’re not even aware of until a match occurs. If that image fails, your subconscious may randomly carve out the next template. Swipes on dating apps are shallow. Algorithms are transactional. You may have consciously set all the parameters for the search and still not find a match. You can stand in a temple or on a train and still pick the person who already lives in the drawer labelled unfinished.
So does the article “explain” 缘分? The Freudian knockoff is luck with a diagnosis. You subconsciously meant this to happen and you will mean it again until the template changes. You sit across from someone and the air is already warm. Your aunt will say 有缘. If you believe the unverifiable Freudian theory, you will say it’s the subconscious at work. The former sounds romantic. The latter will get you a weird stare. You should know which one to say.
Familiar is not the same as chosen. Recognition is not a character reference. The person who feels like they were always here might be 缘分. They might also be last year’s mistake with a new hairdo. Heaven can keep the stamp. Just don’t get carried away by either theory.
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